Saturday, February 12, 2005
My cervical cancer story is about my personal growth being accelerated and the tools that became available to me on my life’s journey.
Life was great. I had finally left an unhealthy codependent relationship. That “drama” lead me to a transition house, that lead me to the Unity Church, where I met my soulmate. Miracles were happening in my life. I was in the right place at the right time - in the flow. A beautiful flower, growing and blossoming.
In September 1992, at age 42, the life threatening “drama” of an emergency hysterectomy and cervical cancer diagnosis lead me to the Vancouver Cancer Clinic (B.C., Canada) for radiation treatments. All the while feeling that I was in good hands and in the right place at the right time.
During my first appointment at the cancer clinic, I asked my doctor about her views and the clinic’s views on alternative therapies. She handed me a pamphlet about the Relaxation Program run by the clinic.
The Relaxation group meets 3 times a week for an experiential meditation. First, we sit in a circle and introduce ourselves and ask for an image that we would like included in the meditation. Then we go to the mats with bolsters for under our knees, pillows, blankets and even little “eye pillows” to put over our eyes. The group's facilitators (clinic staff) talk us through a 45 minute meditation using the images offered from the circle with music playing and “footstrokers” lightly stroking legs, feet, shoulders and brows. The deluxe version is to have live music played by the clinic’s music therapist. Afterwards, many of us network together in the cafeteria. This is where I got a lot of my questions answered, sometimes when I didn’t even know there was a question to ask. There is also a theory - talk about - class on meditation and coping techniques and tools. I found my dream had come true - a medical institution incorporating complementary therapies with medicine, working together to treat the “whole” me.
The Relaxation group continues to be my “lifesaver." It gave me a reason to travel to the clinic every day for a 10 minute radiation treatment. I remember one Thursday, about 1/2 way through my 30 treatments, when I woke up feeling scared, frustrated, angry, sad, alone .... I didn’t want any more radiation. If it hadn’t been for the Relaxation group that day - I’m not sure what I would have done.
The Relaxation group is full of life, love, caring, understanding, acceptance and more. A place where I can be me, where I can feel and express my emotions, laugh and cry. A place where people listen and hear what I am saying. A very powerful nurturing, peaceful, healing place to be.
I take advantage of the many “tools” the clinic offers patients, families and friends. These include support groups, music and art therapy counseling, social worker counselors, volunteer driver's service, and Therapeutic Touch workshops and sessions.
All the “tools” helped me again when my radiation treatments finished. While going for radiation, it was okay to go to the relaxation group because I was there anyway. Now the only reason for me to go to the relaxation group was to do something nice for me. Being a caregiver type, that was hard to do. With all the personal growth work I had done, I was aware of that sabotaging part of me and would find ways to sabotage the sabotaging. Like that first Thursday morning, after treatment had finished, that I talked myself out of going to the relaxation group. “What if someone else needs the chair?” “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t deserve it.” “I’m too tired.” When I did get up, I called the volunteer drivers and booked a ride for the Monday morning relaxation group. I had just about talked myself into staying home again on Monday when I remembered the volunteer driver was picking me up. I also called on friends to meet me at the clinic - so then I had to go. I also realized that although I could go back to work physically, mentally and emotionally I didn’t want to and that was okay. I ended up taking a year for me and gradually fell back into my job. I am grateful to my boss for being patient and giving me the time and space that I needed.
Two years ago, I again took time off work for another life “drama” involving the death of my brother. After this, with my husband about to retire, I decided to “let go” of my job also. Again I have the relaxation group to thank for helping me though this period of losses.
I now spend 2 to 3 days a week “footstroking” at the relaxation groups and visiting other patients and their families - talking, listening and doing and teaching Therapeutic Touch - helping others on their journey.
For the last few months, I’ve been having the same feelings that I experienced when I was getting close to the end of the radiation treatments, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, abandonment, fear, etc. I was aware that this time it had to do with the 5 year anniversary approaching. These milestones are not always a happy celebrating time for everyone. We are all different, with different issues to deal with. At my last 6 month check up, when my doctor said that my next appointment would be my last, I was pleasantly surprised and pleased when my reaction was one of happiness and celebration. The Relaxation group came through for me again - giving me balance, support, clarity and the courage to deal with my feelings.
My life has been touched by many “teachers” along the way. I continue to learn and relearn many of life’s lessons:
- changing “shoulds” to “coulds." A choice - no guilt attached.
- the definition of “normal” is a setting on the washing machine.
- to be a “human being” not a “human doing."
- get out of the way. Stop trying, start trusting.
- trusting my intuition. Listening to my “knowing."
- smiling at myself. Being patient with myself.
- to sabotage the sabotaging.
- I’m not stupid, dumb, etc. I did a stupid, dumb, etc. thing.
- angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
- waking up to awareness.
- living in the moment
Tomorrow is tomorrow, yesterday is the past.
Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the “present.”
From one flower to another. May you blossom and grow to your full potential and become the beautiful you, you were created to be. I trust that my story touches and helps you on your journey. Thank you for listening.
Life was great. I had finally left an unhealthy codependent relationship. That “drama” lead me to a transition house, that lead me to the Unity Church, where I met my soulmate. Miracles were happening in my life. I was in the right place at the right time - in the flow. A beautiful flower, growing and blossoming.
In September 1992, at age 42, the life threatening “drama” of an emergency hysterectomy and cervical cancer diagnosis lead me to the Vancouver Cancer Clinic (B.C., Canada) for radiation treatments. All the while feeling that I was in good hands and in the right place at the right time.
During my first appointment at the cancer clinic, I asked my doctor about her views and the clinic’s views on alternative therapies. She handed me a pamphlet about the Relaxation Program run by the clinic.
The Relaxation group meets 3 times a week for an experiential meditation. First, we sit in a circle and introduce ourselves and ask for an image that we would like included in the meditation. Then we go to the mats with bolsters for under our knees, pillows, blankets and even little “eye pillows” to put over our eyes. The group's facilitators (clinic staff) talk us through a 45 minute meditation using the images offered from the circle with music playing and “footstrokers” lightly stroking legs, feet, shoulders and brows. The deluxe version is to have live music played by the clinic’s music therapist. Afterwards, many of us network together in the cafeteria. This is where I got a lot of my questions answered, sometimes when I didn’t even know there was a question to ask. There is also a theory - talk about - class on meditation and coping techniques and tools. I found my dream had come true - a medical institution incorporating complementary therapies with medicine, working together to treat the “whole” me.
The Relaxation group continues to be my “lifesaver." It gave me a reason to travel to the clinic every day for a 10 minute radiation treatment. I remember one Thursday, about 1/2 way through my 30 treatments, when I woke up feeling scared, frustrated, angry, sad, alone .... I didn’t want any more radiation. If it hadn’t been for the Relaxation group that day - I’m not sure what I would have done.
The Relaxation group is full of life, love, caring, understanding, acceptance and more. A place where I can be me, where I can feel and express my emotions, laugh and cry. A place where people listen and hear what I am saying. A very powerful nurturing, peaceful, healing place to be.
I take advantage of the many “tools” the clinic offers patients, families and friends. These include support groups, music and art therapy counseling, social worker counselors, volunteer driver's service, and Therapeutic Touch workshops and sessions.
All the “tools” helped me again when my radiation treatments finished. While going for radiation, it was okay to go to the relaxation group because I was there anyway. Now the only reason for me to go to the relaxation group was to do something nice for me. Being a caregiver type, that was hard to do. With all the personal growth work I had done, I was aware of that sabotaging part of me and would find ways to sabotage the sabotaging. Like that first Thursday morning, after treatment had finished, that I talked myself out of going to the relaxation group. “What if someone else needs the chair?” “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t deserve it.” “I’m too tired.” When I did get up, I called the volunteer drivers and booked a ride for the Monday morning relaxation group. I had just about talked myself into staying home again on Monday when I remembered the volunteer driver was picking me up. I also called on friends to meet me at the clinic - so then I had to go. I also realized that although I could go back to work physically, mentally and emotionally I didn’t want to and that was okay. I ended up taking a year for me and gradually fell back into my job. I am grateful to my boss for being patient and giving me the time and space that I needed.
Two years ago, I again took time off work for another life “drama” involving the death of my brother. After this, with my husband about to retire, I decided to “let go” of my job also. Again I have the relaxation group to thank for helping me though this period of losses.
I now spend 2 to 3 days a week “footstroking” at the relaxation groups and visiting other patients and their families - talking, listening and doing and teaching Therapeutic Touch - helping others on their journey.
For the last few months, I’ve been having the same feelings that I experienced when I was getting close to the end of the radiation treatments, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, abandonment, fear, etc. I was aware that this time it had to do with the 5 year anniversary approaching. These milestones are not always a happy celebrating time for everyone. We are all different, with different issues to deal with. At my last 6 month check up, when my doctor said that my next appointment would be my last, I was pleasantly surprised and pleased when my reaction was one of happiness and celebration. The Relaxation group came through for me again - giving me balance, support, clarity and the courage to deal with my feelings.
My life has been touched by many “teachers” along the way. I continue to learn and relearn many of life’s lessons:
- changing “shoulds” to “coulds." A choice - no guilt attached.
- the definition of “normal” is a setting on the washing machine.
- to be a “human being” not a “human doing."
- get out of the way. Stop trying, start trusting.
- trusting my intuition. Listening to my “knowing."
- smiling at myself. Being patient with myself.
- to sabotage the sabotaging.
- I’m not stupid, dumb, etc. I did a stupid, dumb, etc. thing.
- angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
- waking up to awareness.
- living in the moment
Tomorrow is tomorrow, yesterday is the past.
Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the “present.”
From one flower to another. May you blossom and grow to your full potential and become the beautiful you, you were created to be. I trust that my story touches and helps you on your journey. Thank you for listening.
# posted by lynnstory @ 3:38 PM 
